The Catwalk!

Is your cat going crazy? Maybe he'd like to go outside. My cat likes to go out, so I trained him to walk on a leash. I'd like to thank the horses - I applied what I know about them to this process. For example, great things can't be forced. You need the right timing and understanding of your animal. Each animal is different.

First, you want to get Kitty comfortable with the collar or harness. Since you are never going to be pulling on the leash or harness, you won't pull on his neck should you use a collar. A harness is obviously the superior choice, but because you have good hands (right?) you won't pull on his neck when he wears a collar. You are always ready to give a release.

First, try walking Kitty in the house. Remember two rules: 1) Keep slack in the leash at all times and 2) You go where Kitty goes.

As you keep slack in the leash at all times, you let the cat walk you. If you are walking him outside and your session is done, pick him up to take him inside. My cat usually walks to the front door when he wants back in, so I don't end up doing this.

Because my cat is large, I'm able to walk him on a lunge line. Due to the length, I can always feed out more length to him. As we reach the perimeter of the yard, I get closer to him and pick him up before he goes too far. My cat will tolerate my "sponging" the line to give him the aid to stop, but that's a post for another day.

Treats can be used to reinforce good behavior. You could even plant catnip or catmint outside for your cat to visit. They will probably drag you over to it!

I'm not a professional trainer or vet; this is just my experience. Please use common sense and if you feel your cat is freaking out, dial it back. This isn't for every cat. My anxious Siamese noped the hell out of it. But was she the one yowling at the door to begin with? Haha, no.

If you try walking your cat, let me know how it works for you!

Dirty Hands, Clean Heart, Can't Lose

By June, I had learned to run up the stairs of the concert hall almost as fast as my sister. I swayed along with the crowd to songs I had never heard before, alongside people I felt like I'd seen before.  A few months prior I had run away from my old life, and everthing was up in the air. Glimpses of how I could piece it all back together flashed as quickly as the stage lights, set to a driving beat. None of them stuck. I knew I had made a huge damn mistake, and the only way out was to be a rock in a tumbler of other rocks. Hopefully I would be polished back into something appealing and recognizable.

In my spare time, to forget my predicament, I volunteered at a horse rescue. It was shedding season and I was grateful for the task of transferring mud and hair off of warm bodies. Their eyes were unfathomably kind. The horses had different backstories that ended in being dumped at auction. Different circumstances, same (unlikely) rescue. The grooming I gave them was equally standard. Because none of them showed sensitivity to the pressure from the grooming mitt, they received the same circular massage I gave my own horse back home. Had they been shorter and chestnut, I would have felt like they were actually him. If I decided to move here permanently, he would be shipped to me, out of my old life and into my new one.

I worked knots out of their manes and tails, combing them out with my fingers, which needed the fidgeting. A layer of grime settled into my hands, and I reminded myself to wash them before driving back to the city in my borrowed car. I scratched the withers of Braveheart, who had at one point cleaned up as a jumper in the local show circuit.

As a child, I would have gazed at Braveheart and his rider with longing. His rider would have given me the side-eye: "Don't spook him and fuck up my round."

As I took in his angular face and cloudy eye, I thought angry words at the imaginary rider: "How could you?" I had been needing a win after a series of utterly stupid and rash decisions, and looking down on someone was a good time to give my halo a much-needed polishing. I could make my own dodgy life seem okay, one dumped horse at a time.

Walking into the next barn, I saw tubs of beet pulp soaking. Yes, I thought, this is a good place for old horses. The aura of good horsemanship and endorphins warmed me inside. My horse would thrive here.

Inevitably, chill set back in as I pulled out of the drive and back onto the highway. A song from the concert washed over me, only this time I recognized it. I sped through the dappled light and back toward where I would need to finally make a decision.

I am Your Quarantine Spirit Guide

I have decided that today, I'm going to have a good day. How novel! Actually, I decided it yesterday, and I set the groundwork for today. Fresh set of sheets, floor vacuumed, DIY pedicure. I am going to do social distancing right.

As a Master Introvert, I'm here to help you cope. I'm home a lot, and I work from home. I'm no doctor, but I'm an architect of being at home without going crazy and an engineer of time management. I've also managed depression for a long time.

If you're feeling like you are a danger to yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you're feeling down in general, I recommend visiting www.youfeellikeshit.com. It has saved me from many a downward spiral.

I begin my day in the mirror. (I've already had coffee at this point. Caffeine is a given, here. Please begin your day with your stimulant of choice. If you don't need a stimulant in the morning, please DM me - I may be interested in hiring you as a life coach). Do whatever you need to do to find yourself attractive. We're all in athleisure these days, myself included, but I do a general spruce-up to unfuck whatever might cause me to feel unattractive. This morning it was dry shampoo, concealer, brow powder, and moistuizer. I had some pimples to conceal and bronzer made me look like it's summer - a time during which I'm happier.

I find that I'm best off with a mix of leisure and productivity. I'll do something useful for twenty minutes or a half hour, then take a break. If you're working from home full-time, then you may work throughout the morning and afternoon, taking quick breaks, and extend this pattern into the evening. I have found that rewarding myself after each task helps keep my spirits up. Stay rested; I understand that being tired makes you more susceptible to viruses like Covid-19.

Make your bed. A note on this: it doesn't have to be done first thing in the morning. Mine's unmade right now, because I wanted to sit down and write while I was in the mood. I'll make it later while I'm cleaning. Unless something drastic and concerning happens to the laws of physics, it's not going anywhere. (By the way, Coronavirus, this is not a dare).

I have done a lot of reading about which foods are good for you, but I have also hoovered cake straight from my fridge under the cover of darkness. I feel like the best two bang for your buck foods are berries and spinach/greens/kale/etc. I don't force myself to eat anything else unless I'm in the mood to. I do eat a lot of apples and bananas because I love their size and portability. And guess what - that switching off and on thing - I do it with food, too. I had a banana for breakfast today and lunch is probably going to be a reasonable portion of something unhealthy. Social distancing makes me crave sugary carbs sometimes, and I think a little is okay. I'm balancing my foods with my moods.

If you ask your doctor what foods are right for you, they'll cringe when you bring up hot Cheetos. But you're going to eat them, so you might as well come to terms with that now. Figure out where they fit into your nutritional profile and overall mental health management.

Nobody reading this needs a reminder about interaction with animals and its benefits. Moving on.

Try to be a little positive. I'm not going to go cold turkey on this, but I'm going to scale back my hate reading a little. Exercise typically puts me in a better mood. Even just a quick plank can drag me back from the edge of googling "not suicidal but sick of living." I've had a lot of anger about how poorly Coronavirus has been handled, but I can suppress my rage by lifting weights.

Hope this helps or at least gave you a distraction! As a homebody cat lady who only leaves to ride or run errands, I felt called to get this out there in a timely manner, and it's not my best work. But also I bribed myself with Doritos to write it, so I feel like I won.

"You have to be able to smile at your own shadow." - Diane von Furstenberg